irrelevant (and sometimes questionable) ramblings

Hey everyone! Remember how I talked about having a holiday surprise for all of you?

Well, here’s the news — for the next four weeks, starting December first, I’m going to be posting chapters of my short story called Undressed For Success. As long as everything works the way I’m hoping it will, the story will be available here on the blog, on separate pages.

So I want you to come back and keep checking in, okay?

Kissing has come up in conversation lately (no, I’m not telling you, so don’t ask.). My personal opinion is that it’s definitely a highly underrated activity. However, it’s not always good…so I thought this might be a topic worthy of Thirteen.

Here’s hoping I can come up with thirteen examples, though…

Thirteen Ways NOT To Kiss

1. The Slobberer - Nobody wants to drown in a gallon of saliva, please. There’s nothing less appealing than feeling like you’ve been through the car wash. And I don’t think anybody else wants the kisser to do a St. Bernard impression, yes?
2. The Dead Fish - Please, please, please don’t just stick your tongue in his or her mouth and leave it there, motionless. It’s not a docking station, okay?
3. The Lizard King - This is the rapid-fire poking of the tongue — also kinda like a grasshopper on crack. Slow it down!
4. The Choker - In a similar vein as the Dead Fish, it’ll feel like this person is attempting to perform a tonsillectomy with his/her tongue. There is no reason to go spelunking if it could trigger one’s gag reflex. Yanno?
5. The Hungry Man - There’s also no reason to be left with no lips. Human beings are not for eating (well, okay, not in this context). Go get a burger.
6. “I’ve Got Somewhere Else To Be” - There’s something to be said about taking one’s time. Lingering over kisses has got to be one of the sexiest things ever. So don’t rush. If you have somewhere to be, leave him/her with a memorable parting kiss and remember to make time for later.
7. Mr. or Ms. Garlic - Does this really need an explanation? For God’s sake, at least carry gum or mints with you, if you can’t avoid certain foods/spices ahead of time. Please?
8. The Vaccuum - Human beings need oxygen to survive. So depriving your partner of air is just wrong. Whatever you do, don’t squish or block his/her nose while kissing. And what’s the point of sucking the air out of his/her lungs? You don’t need the extra carbon dioxide that badly, do you?
9. The Dentist - You’re kissing to provide and experience pleasure–you’re not there for a six-month checkup. There’s really no need to explore molars, unless you do have DDS after your name.
10. The Biter - Ouch. Gentle nibbles are fine, and even can be fun. Don’t leave marks or draw blood. Not nice.
11. The Ear Licker - No Wet Willies. Under any circumstances. We’re not ten anymore, ‘k?
12. The Tooth Warrior - Accidental clicking and bumping of teeth can occasionally be unavoidable, but nobody wants their enamel chipped.
13. The Gaping Maw - You don’t need to open wide like you’re trying to fit a pizza slice in. Really. Don’t scare the poor guy/gal away!

W00T! I didn’t think I’d get thirteen, but there you go! Feel free to add your point of view in comments!

It was -18C out there this morning.

Do you hear me, people? MINUS EIGHTEEN CELSIUS. This is just so wrong on so many levels.

I was going to write a post on a different topic, but my braincells seem to have frozen. I’ll see if I can put something together for tomorrow, but there are no promises.

And not only that, I’m supposed to run tonight. I’m already cold just thinking about it.

On the plus side, I will be snickering manaically when I crawl into my heated bed later this evening, though. Yes. Yes, I will.

Now off to find some sort of hot beverage to warm my insides…

Long skirts are very pretty and an excellent wardrobe item.

However, when one has a lengthier gait, they can easily hobble one’s stride.

I almost feel like my lower half is smooshed into a sausage casing.

(I know. Lovely image, huh? )

It’s heads down, blinders on, and hopefully not ass-over-teakettle for me for the next few days.

Sorry, gang — the plate is piled verra high at the moment, and I’ve got to work through some of it before I can give you any tidbits of (so-called) wisdom and/or entertainment.

Remember, though, to keep checking back — I’ve got a Holiday treat coming for all of you, so stay tuned!

It’s MEMEMEME time again, folks. This one’s silly and fun. Post your result in comments!

What Dessert Are You?

Do not cheat on this one; go with the first dessert you pick… see choices below.

If all of the desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, which would you choose (sorry, you can only pick one!) Trust me… this is very accurate.

Pick your dessert, and then look to see what psychiatrists think about you. After taking this dessert personality test, send this e-mail on to others, but when you do, be sure to put your choice of dessert in the subject box above.

ALSO, SEND IT TO THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU.

DON’T FORGET TO CHANGE YOUR DESSERT CHOICE IN THE SUBJECT BOX BEFORE YOU FORWARD IT.

Here are your choices :

1. Angel Food Cake

2. Brownies

3. Lemon Meringue Pie

4. Vanilla Cake with Chocolate Icing

5. Strawberry Short Cake

6. Chocolate on Chocolate

7. Ice Cream

8. Carrot Cake

No, you can’t change your mind once you scroll down, so think carefully what your choice will be.

OK - Now that you’ve made your choice this is what research says about you. (Below the cut!)
(more…)

I’m not sure why I’m so bloody tired lately. There’s nothing physically wrong with me (as per the checkup I just had), so it’s got to just be a lack of sleep. I am beginning to feel that slight edge of panic that warns me I’m behind on things–and that’s par for the course at the moment, considering I’ve just started Christmas shopping. It just feels like there are SO many things to do in the next month (!?!) or so.

In the meantime, it’s supposed to dip to -15C tonight (5F) so I’m going to crank up the heated mattress pad (can I tell you how much I LOVE that thing?? So far it’s been the best purchase ever!) and maybe pick up the new book I just got from the library. It’s called The Thirteenth Tale, and I saw it in the grocery store the other day. The cover is absolutely beautiful and that’s what caught my eye. I’m not entirely sure what it’s even about, but I’m going to give it a try anyway.

Worst case, I’ll read a page and fall asleep–definitely not intended to be a comment on the content. Is that so wrong?

…but this might just make it a little easier.

Isn’t that the coolest idea? If I remember correctly, the process of pyrolysis is quite popular already in Europe.

Just goes to show how far behind the times we North Americans are…

Regardless, though, this makes my inner eco-girl stand up and cheer!

Have you ever caught yourself slouched in your chair, staring blankly at the computer screen, the rate your eyelids blink becoming slower and sloooooower…. And then you start, and wonder just how friggin’ long you’ve been the Walking Asleep…?!?

No, I’m not describing myself. Why on earth do you ask?

And it means nothing that I’m heading for bed right this minute. Nothing at all. Now, if I could only convince my legs to move…

It is now 3:00PM, EST.

Up until now, I have:

1. made lattyja (Finnish crepes) and bacon for breakfast;
2. loaded and run the dishwasher;
3. washed the items that couldn’t go in the dishwasher;
4. baked and iced a square for the Mater to take with her to church;
5. gone for a run (5/1, was very tiring today);
6. scrubbed the bathroom;
7. changed Offspring’s and my bedding; and
8. now unloaded the dishwasher.

The Offspring is currently watching Finding Nemo; I am going to go curl up on the couch with my book and fall asleep after about a page and a half.

I think that’s fair, don’t you? (Well, even if you don’t, that’s what I’m a-gonna do, anyway.)

*Gold star for you if you know this reference…