Archive for the 'Famn Damily' Category

Habits Of Losers

Wednesday, March 16th, 2016

*Ed note: Kris’ mental health is currently in a distressing state. Read on with caution. You have been warned.

There is something seriously wrong with me. I just don’t know what it is. My motivation levels are at an all-time low, and I have zero desire to do ANYTHING.

Case in point: I have the house to myself, in fact, I’ve had the house to myself since 8am. It is now almost 11:30am. During that time I have done nothing but drink coffee and surf Facebook. (Well, okay, strictly speaking I threw a load of towels in the washing machine, but still.) All in my pyjamas.

I have work piling up. I have lines to memorize for an upcoming play. I have choreography and harmony parts to practice for an upcoming musical. Dishes are piled up in the kitchen. Every surface in this house is littered with CRAP. I can’t remember when I washed my floors last. I am overwhelmed with stuff, and it just seems to keep accumulating.

And yet, all I can do is look at it as I meander through the obstacle course that is my living room and kitchen. I look at the mess, and the words, “I just…can’t.” echo through my brain.

I would post photos, but all I can think is that the appropriate government agencies would be on my ass in a heartbeat if they saw them.

I had a break a little while back — a client postponed her project with me, and instead of booking someone else in that time slot, I thought I’d take advantage of the free time and do some things around the house. Well, I was successful for a couple of days. I gutted my side of the master bedroom, and I worked on my crafting room. I also put a dent into the chaos that is my rec room. My intentions were good, but life shit got in the way, and I spent too many of those days feeling upset and helpless and frustrated…and once again, frozen into inaction.

I am so stuck. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. I can’t move forward. I can’t accomplish anything. And if I’m not careful, I’m going to end up babbling in a corner somewhere, drooling all over myself.

Where Did It All Go?

Monday, February 22nd, 2016

Was life once really that carefree? That easy? That untainted by fear and anger and illness and stress?

It doesn’t seem possible.

Maybe all those things were there after all, and it was just easier to ignore them; pretend the cries and howls were nothing more than the wind, the shrieks and barks nothing more than the branches knocking against the window.

I have no idea what to do with myself. I think I have forgotten how to create.

One Foot In Front Of The Other

Thursday, June 25th, 2015

Some days, it’s all you can do.

I’m stuck in that weird state of flux where I feel like I have a million different things to say, but at the same time, haven’t the foggiest what to write.

It doesn’t help when you read beautifully written blog posts by writers who paint breathtaking pictures with their words. Indeed, I have a big crush on one wonderful gentleman’s brain. Well, okay… truth be told, it might be a crush in general. But it’s all good parts deliciously assembled into a whole that I very much appreciate.

I wish we could tell people outright how wonderful we think they are — with all levels of affection, regardless of relationship status — but there are all those social mores and levels of what is deemed appropriate… yadda, yadda, yadda. So we crush and we appreciate from afar. I still think it might increases levels of happiness everywhere, sharing this information. I don’t know. Maybe it wouldn’t.

Where are you in your world?

I’m on a hamster wheel that occasionally diverges.

So many little tidbits of story ideas that I don’t know what to do with them. I suppose you gather them into a multicoloured bouquet and enjoy the hues and details…

Have to go be a mom again for a while. It can be a tiring thing, sometimes. But I wouldn’t give it up for all the riches in the world.

Hard

Wednesday, June 11th, 2014

It’s hard to be the anchor.

You know, the solid, unmovable hunk of metal that keeps the ship from drifting away?

Yeah. That.

It’s not so bad when there’s only one small, spiraling current pulling at you; it’s easy to stand your ground and maintain the status quo.

But when there are two, or even three, of those whirling maelstroms whipping life around you into a fury and threatening to tear you from limb to limb… well, those are the days you dig in your heels and spit out a short prayer to whomever the hell is in charge of piling crap on your head.

Some days it almost feels like it would be better to just let go of that chain, let the boat be sucked away. Let yourself be torn asunder and drowned in the murky waters below.

Or you eat more chocolate and ignore the feeling of your clothing getting tighter.

*shrug*

The latter is, I would think, less painful. And tastier.

Dafuq?

Sunday, March 2nd, 2014

Son of a beehive cheez doodle.

Let me just say that life went to hell in a handbasket at the end of January. My kidlet ended up in the hospital for three weeks, and my life got flipped-turned upside-down.

(She’s okay, so no real cause for concern.)

However, the beginning of my 2014 kinda sucked dead bears. The only good thing is that I have another novella in a new Bat Collective anthology; I’ll get a link posted before another month goes by. :P

It’s taken me ages to get back into my normal home routine; it will take even longer before I can produce another piece of writing. I apologize in advance for the lack of new verbiage. I will add more as soon as is humanly possible.

Sorry I’ve sucked. I didn’t mean to. I’ll try to suck less in the upcoming days.

Please come back again. I’d rather not beg. :/

Back To Work

Monday, June 25th, 2012

The weekend was essentially a giant WASH in terms of productivity. We had multiple birthday party-type celebrations (including one for Ms. Junior Peanut who is now TWO! Eep!), our (almost) annual Finnish Midsummer extended-family celebration called Juhannus, lots of BBQ, and I managed to finish up my new front-yard flower garden.

But did I work? Uh, that’d be a no. Instead, I ate enough food for about three people, got wind-burnt, sauna-ed and swam, and generally had a rollicking good time.

Perhaps that was best, after all. I may be exhausted, but it was a couple of days where my mind was taken off my work. I’ll have to slave like a dog to reach my last couple of deadlines, but I’m certainly going to do it. It *can* be done.

All right, Monday. I’m here. Are you ready for me?

Quarantined

Monday, April 9th, 2012

Well, maybe we should be.

Germs seem to be relentlessly plaguing the Starr household this winter. Upon further thought, someone in this house (and at times, more than one person) has been ill with some sort of cold/cough/fever/whathaveyou since early February.

FEBRUARY, people. It is now April. This is INSANE.

I don’t know what we’re doing wrong, or why the universe feels required to punish us so, but it really must stop. I encourage handwashing frequently, the whole cough-into-your-elbow thing, vitamin C… So what is it?!? We have never had this rough of a winter before. So what the HELL?? Maybe I have to start wiping everything down with bleach, or something. I don’t know.

Hey — I was thinking the other evening about how women in the ’50s used to wear those thin cotton gloves when they went out anywhere (the Mater had a couple of pairs from her teenage years and I used to play with them when I was little). Maybe that trend needs to come back into style — keep one’s hands clean by literally not touching anything. I dunno. Think it would catch on? No idea. But something needs to change, that’s for sure.

Hope *you’re* healthy, wherever you are.

World-Weary

Saturday, March 10th, 2012

…but not necessarily a traveler.

You have no idea, guys, but I am so tired of winter. I need it to be over soon — and that “soon” is coming, according to the long-range forecast — but the “soon” isn’t coming soon enough for my tastes.

The rugrats have been trapped indoors and are starting to go stir-crazy. (And by extension, making ME crazy.)

I have no energy, no motivation, no enthusiasm. :( It probably sounds like I need a vacation, but I don’t really want to go anywhere. I just want some peace and quiet. (I hear you saying, “Yeah, but you’ve got two young kids; you don’t get peace and quiet for about another seventeen years, or so.” I know, you’re right. Doesn’t stop me from wanting, though. And at that point I’ll still worry about my girls out there in the big, bad world. But that’s a different kind of stress.)

I could whine and complain some more, but I’m certain you don’t want to hear it. I have to go anyway. I have kidlets to feed, and then we have to brace ourselves to go out in the blustery weather to pick up B.E.

I think I’m going to solve one problem and order pizza for dinner. At least it’ll be one less thing to worry about.

Ciao for now; I’ll be back eventually.

It’s A Kris Sighting!

Thursday, March 1st, 2012

Craptastic. I can’t believe so much time has gone by since my last missive.

I feel like a shmoe. Sorry about that, guys. However, in my defense, the Great Plague of Northern Canuckland struck the Starr household with a mighty blow and knocked first the Starr kidlets and then yours truly on our backs for several days. It was pretty rough, lemme tell you. Not only did I also fall off the fitness wagon, the current WiP stopped dead.

*sigh*

What’s that old John Lennon line — life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans? Something like that, anyway.

So. We all seem to be on the mend now, with the exception of Boy Einstein, who made it through the first round unscathed only to come home from work today coughing. Yeah. Let’s hope it doesn’t turn into a game of Pass the Germs because I don’t want to play that one.
Anyway. I have major cleaning and disinfecting to do still, but on Monday I’ll be climbing right back up on that horse. Er…those horses? Whatevs. You get my meaning.

(And March first? That means…dare I say?…Spring is almost here? YEE-HAW!)

Grouchy McGrumpypants

Tuesday, September 27th, 2011

I am irritable as of late, somewhat inexplicably so. Most likely the underlying cause of my malaise is a combination of several factors, not the least of which is rather severe tiredness. (Not exhaustion; that’s something different entirely. I’m just pooped, dudes.)

Some of you will likely know that the Good Husband was away for work about a week and a half, during which time I functioned as sole parental unit (including titles of cook, maid and taxi driver). It was work enough to feed and clothe three offspring, let alone keep the house spic-and-span. As a result, it looks like a tornado has ripped through here. Simply looking at the mess makes me feel even more tired.

On top of that, there was nary a lick of writing or creative work done. By the time all kidlets were shuttled off to their respective beds, I could barely string a half-dozen words together into a coherent sentence. Reading to relax and trying to get some sleep became paramount.

So let’s just say that disappointment combined with regret and guilt have all resulted in a good ol’ case of frustration. So I’m grumpy. And short-tempered. Annoyed, even. At this rate, I’ll get nothing creative done until Ms. Junior Peanut goes off to Junior Kindergarten — three years from now. That thought just makes my chest hurt.

I’m too discombobulated to really think calmly about all of this and figure out how to get on track and move forward, instead of just around and around on the hamster wheel. I probably need more sleep, at least.

And perhaps extra fiber. :P