Archive for the 'Heartbreak' Category

Habits Of Losers

Wednesday, March 16th, 2016

*Ed note: Kris’ mental health is currently in a distressing state. Read on with caution. You have been warned.

There is something seriously wrong with me. I just don’t know what it is. My motivation levels are at an all-time low, and I have zero desire to do ANYTHING.

Case in point: I have the house to myself, in fact, I’ve had the house to myself since 8am. It is now almost 11:30am. During that time I have done nothing but drink coffee and surf Facebook. (Well, okay, strictly speaking I threw a load of towels in the washing machine, but still.) All in my pyjamas.

I have work piling up. I have lines to memorize for an upcoming play. I have choreography and harmony parts to practice for an upcoming musical. Dishes are piled up in the kitchen. Every surface in this house is littered with CRAP. I can’t remember when I washed my floors last. I am overwhelmed with stuff, and it just seems to keep accumulating.

And yet, all I can do is look at it as I meander through the obstacle course that is my living room and kitchen. I look at the mess, and the words, “I just…can’t.” echo through my brain.

I would post photos, but all I can think is that the appropriate government agencies would be on my ass in a heartbeat if they saw them.

I had a break a little while back — a client postponed her project with me, and instead of booking someone else in that time slot, I thought I’d take advantage of the free time and do some things around the house. Well, I was successful for a couple of days. I gutted my side of the master bedroom, and I worked on my crafting room. I also put a dent into the chaos that is my rec room. My intentions were good, but life shit got in the way, and I spent too many of those days feeling upset and helpless and frustrated…and once again, frozen into inaction.

I am so stuck. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. I can’t move forward. I can’t accomplish anything. And if I’m not careful, I’m going to end up babbling in a corner somewhere, drooling all over myself.

Stupid Brain

Wednesday, July 22nd, 2015

I hate it when you’re having a good day, and then you happen to drive by a place that is meaningful in some way, shape, or form, and your day is flipped, turned upside-down (thank you, Will Smith). It’s too much to say that the day is “ruined”, because it isn’t, but you are left with a flood of memories both beautiful and bittersweet, and melancholy thoughts that linger for many kilometers afterward…

Alien Butt

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

I have one.

An alien butt, that is.

I spent a large chunk of yesterday attempting to find a dress to wear to a wedding this weekend, with zero success. I even determined not to be distressed by the size on the tag. That wasn’t going to matter to me. What mattered was finding something that fit nicely and looked good.

Ri-i-i-i-i-ight.

Nothing fit. Nothing. I even went up sizes, to no avail. The bodices were too loose, and the butt and hips were too tight.

Bloody stupid alien butts. *growl*

However, my redemption arrived in the reminder that I have two dresses tucked away in the back of my closet that might just fit. I haven’t tried them yet, so there is no rejoicing in the streets at this point, but I *think* it’ll be okay. The only thing I’ll need to do is pick up some new underthings for underneath. But that shouldn’t take too much effort. I hope. As long as I can find something to beat the alien butt into submission.

Dammit.

Stupid food. Stupid laziness tendencies. Blargh.

Rejection, Schmejection…

Friday, May 23rd, 2008

Okay, so, Lovely got its first thumbs-down.

It’s all right. I’m disappointed, but I can live with it. It’s moved on to its next potential home now, and maybe they’ll love it enough there to hug it and squeeze it and call it George*.

Meh. I get to drink at the wedding tomorrow night, so all’s good.

It would be nice to have another sale one of these days, though…

Have a great day, folks. I’ll catch you later!

*Gold star for you if you know the reference… 

Conspiracy Theories

Friday, April 25th, 2008

Still no car.

Delivery is now purportedly Tuesday.

I will believe this when I have the key in the ignition and am driving away from the dealership.

The hawt sales guy owes me for this delay. I mean it.

Saturday night I continue work on Lovely. The end is in sight. But for now, I go to bed to read.

Towel. Thrown. In.

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

Just out of idle curiosity, I made an impromptu laundry-list of qualities I would like in a boyfriend/partner/significant whatever.

I think I’m screwed. And not in a good way.

I’m getting the sinking feeling that this human being just doesn’t exist. Can’t possibly exist.

And that’s a rather depressing thought, isn’t it?

I have an incredibly hard time meeting people in general, let alone Mr. Ideal.

*sigh*

Oh, well. I’d say back to the drawing board, but I don’t want to settle. Nor should I.

Right?

Mutha Uckas!!

Saturday, October 13th, 2007

You know it’s time to go to bed when you accidentally delete five LEGITIMATE comments.

I’m so sorry, folks. :(

I’m logging off now before I do any more damage. The Offspring had better sleep later than SIX AM tomorrow morning, though….

Horse Puckey!

Tuesday, August 21st, 2007

Today’s Horoscope:

Decisions, decisions, decisions — you’ve got a lot of choices to think about today, but doing so will be an absolute joy! You are experiencing an embarrassment of riches right now, and the people you encounter today will be offering you even more gifts, in the form of kind words. Quality and quantity are both at a rare peak right now, which means that you have a unique opportunity to make some major changes happen in your life and the life of someone you care about a great deal.

You have got to be freakin’ kidding me. This is the biggest load of steaming bullshit that I’ve ever read. Not only have I physically felt like crap today, I slept horribly last night and am exhausted. And the cherry on the top of the bloody cake was the rejection letter I received today.

“Embarrassment of riches”, my ass. Where’s the booze?

Editor’s Note: We here at Kris’ blog apologize for today’s emotional and somewhat irrational outburst by our Mistress with the Mostess, and we assure you that she will be back to her (mostly) cheery and (somewhat) normal self shortly. Once the Prozac kicks in.

Kidding.

Life, Art, And All That

Wednesday, March 28th, 2007

As some of you Gentle Readers may have surmised, there has been a wee bit of a speed bump on the road of Kris’ personal life.

Due in part to a) a past history that encouraged suspicion at the drop of a hat and b) merely being a woman who worries and thinks too much, Kris made a bit of a goof.

The Goof, aka Jumping to Conclusions, made Kris feel like shite and of course (because as JtC is wont to do) led to a series of resulting hurt feelings and emotional upset. For which she is very remorseful.

The bitterly ironic parallel occurred last night during the normal evening routine of face-washing/teeth-brushing. And it was surprising enough to make Yours Truly stop and stare at herself in the mirror.

The major conflict of Kris’ current WIP involves… wait for it… Jumping to Conclusions.

How eerie is that? Even thinking about it now, I get goosebumps. (Not good ones, I might add.) And sadly enough, I feel more in control of the characters’ lives than I do my own. I wonder — could that be one of the reasons authors write? To have a feeling of ownership of a situation? To be able to tackle difficult problems and conflicts and maybe understand them better? To find solutions? But it makes a difference when they’re fictional and one is essentially playing God, yes? Or can any of it be applied to the real world? Or is dabbling in fictional conflict more like avoidance or denial?

I don’t know.

The only thing I know is this: I can only hope that the resolving of the real-life conflict can be as easy (and hopefully mostly-painless) as the resolution of the fictional one.

Unrelated To Previous Post

Monday, March 26th, 2007

I met him in passing a few weeks ago.

He was quiet, shy; a handsome, polite young man, the grandson of my parents’ friend.

This sweet seventeen-year-old, with his whole life ahead of him, was killed in a snowmobiling accident this past weekend.

I didn’t even know him, yet the news of his death made my heart hurt.

Whatever your faith, please send up a thought or prayer for Curtis and his family.