Archive for the 'Daily Dross of Life' Category

Never Fails…

Friday, June 24th, 2016

Me: I’m going to blog about something tonight!

*goes to blog*
*logs in*
*stares at blank screen for fifteen minutes*
*logs out*

*sighs*

Habits Of Losers

Wednesday, March 16th, 2016

*Ed note: Kris’ mental health is currently in a distressing state. Read on with caution. You have been warned.

There is something seriously wrong with me. I just don’t know what it is. My motivation levels are at an all-time low, and I have zero desire to do ANYTHING.

Case in point: I have the house to myself, in fact, I’ve had the house to myself since 8am. It is now almost 11:30am. During that time I have done nothing but drink coffee and surf Facebook. (Well, okay, strictly speaking I threw a load of towels in the washing machine, but still.) All in my pyjamas.

I have work piling up. I have lines to memorize for an upcoming play. I have choreography and harmony parts to practice for an upcoming musical. Dishes are piled up in the kitchen. Every surface in this house is littered with CRAP. I can’t remember when I washed my floors last. I am overwhelmed with stuff, and it just seems to keep accumulating.

And yet, all I can do is look at it as I meander through the obstacle course that is my living room and kitchen. I look at the mess, and the words, “I just…can’t.” echo through my brain.

I would post photos, but all I can think is that the appropriate government agencies would be on my ass in a heartbeat if they saw them.

I had a break a little while back — a client postponed her project with me, and instead of booking someone else in that time slot, I thought I’d take advantage of the free time and do some things around the house. Well, I was successful for a couple of days. I gutted my side of the master bedroom, and I worked on my crafting room. I also put a dent into the chaos that is my rec room. My intentions were good, but life shit got in the way, and I spent too many of those days feeling upset and helpless and frustrated…and once again, frozen into inaction.

I am so stuck. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. I can’t move forward. I can’t accomplish anything. And if I’m not careful, I’m going to end up babbling in a corner somewhere, drooling all over myself.

I Am Alive

Thursday, November 12th, 2015

Despite rumours to the contrary.

Wow. Have I really not blogged since, like, September?

Man, I suck.

I have to admit, Gentle Readers, that ol’ Kris’ creative life has been frozen in a soul-sucking vortex that is not allowing for any new and wonderful words to flow from her fingertips. :(

Not only has my real life been ridiculously busy with work, there have been numerous health issues — of both the physical and mental — affecting clan Starr. To tell you the truth, folks, there are days when it’s all I can do to just hold on with my very fingertips.

It’s frustrating as fuck to see your offspring suffering and not be able to do a damn thing about it. I think I’ve cried more tears in the last few weeks than I have in the last few years put together.

So. I want to get back on that yarn-spinning bicycle, but pain, frustration, anger, and exhaustion hold me back. And, to put it coldly and bluntly, more royalty cheques would be awfully nice, too. But you don’t get paid if you don’t write anything. Damn that conundrum.

I sincerely and truly hope that one of these days I will have the energy and enthusiasm for putting something down on-screen. As hard and as stressful as writing can be, I miss the joy of creating, of telling tales, and playing God a little bit. I promise you I’ll get something out there sooner, rather than later.

Maybe simply for my own sanity’s sake.

Life Lesson #503

Sunday, September 6th, 2015

Don’t let your brain take charge of you.

No, seriously. If your brain is anything like mine, it will have the tendency to obsess, dwell on, focus on, and fixate on the most ridiculous and unhelpful things *ever*, to the detriment of everything else important in life.

Obsessing will not keep your house clean.

Dwelling will not let you memorize your lines for your upcoming play.

Focusing will not let you enjoy times with your family that would otherwise be pleasant.

Fixating will not let you move ahead in life. How can you, when you’re stuck on a hamster wheel?

I fucking hate my brain sometimes. Maybe tomorrow I just need to shut off the Internet and force myself to do other things. Accompanied by loud music. And calorie-burning activities.

Dazed And Confused

Thursday, May 7th, 2015

Don’t you hate it when you haven’t the foggiest idea which end is up? I haven’t a clue right now, and I wish I could get a sign.

See, this is what happens when you’re overtired and overworked and under-relaxed. :P

I have free time coming near the end of May and into the first week of June. You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to it…

Disappearing Act

Friday, March 13th, 2015

Hey there, Gentle Readers –

Real-world life has gone WTF crazy. I’m so stupidly busy right now that everything unrelated to current real-life work and commitments has gone (temporarily) out the freakin’ window. Sadly, this includes the RBC challenge. I will start up again on it when life calms down — approximately by June, at this point.

Other than that, I can’t figure out why I force myself to stay up at my computer when I’m clearly exhausted, and I’ve reached the point where I’m not doing anything remotely productive. Honestly, I should be in bed right now. I’m eleven kinds of stupid for sitting here.

So I’m gone, y’all. Later.

To Sleep, Perchance To Dream

Friday, February 20th, 2015

I have so many things I should do, but my head is also full of all sorts of troublesome things that are distracting me from my work.

And on top of that, I’m tired. With a capital T.

To me, all of this works in combination to send me the message that I should just go to bed. So that is where I am going.

Tomorrow can be brighter, right?

Germs Part Deux

Thursday, February 19th, 2015

So just like that proverbial cat, the germs came back. Seeing as how I’ve suffered off and on for almost four weeks now, I finally went to see my family doctor, who took one look at me and said, “Uh, yeah. Antibiotics for you.”

Now we wait for the germ-killing action to kick in and take this pain away. Whee.

I’m certain that is playing a fair role in the fact that I am weepy and feeling down today. Of course, there are other factors, too. There are always other factors, it seems. Sometimes life sucks and it’s even worse when you realize there’s not a single thing you can do about it.

I was hoping ‘15 would be better than ‘14, but so far the evidence is pointing in the opposite direction. Fucking universe.

Sinusitis

Sunday, February 1st, 2015

Yeah. That’s the word of the day, folks.

Those germs I was talking about earlier? They got me good. The doctor informed me that my version of sinusitis happens to be viral. So this means no antibiotics (because they wouldn’t work anyway, duh) and instead, anti-inflammatories, pain relievers and steroid nasal sprays. Whee.

And the best part? “If you still have symptoms after four weeks, come back and see us.”

FOUR WEEKS?!?

Christ on a cracker.

So keep your fingers crossed for me that this crud does, indeed, remain just an easily-defeated virus. The alternative is just too nasty to think about.

On a related note, the smart ones among you will have realized by now that *this* might just be the reason why there haven’t been any new posts for a few days.

Gold star for you.

If, as I said, all goes well, I’ll be back to the RBC tomorrow and attempting to crank out something new in terms of creative stuff. Stay tuned!

Bubonic Betty

Thursday, January 22nd, 2015

The germs are here.

I feel them.

I can sense them.

My throat feels…weird, and my head a little woozy and cottony. I’ve already gargled with salt water, which helped, and I’m just about to make myself a Hot Toddy, which should hopefully knock the damn invaders right out of the park.

If it isn’t too late, that is.

Well, we shall see what tomorrow morning brings. But for now, it’s reading for the RBC, adding word count to my short story (woo!) and getting slightly tipsy on hot tea and whiskey. Yup, this gal knows how to party, y’all. :/

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Poem: “When to the sessions of sweet silent thought” by William Shakespeare
Short Story: “The Midnight Hour” by Sandra Birdsell (The Penguin Anthology… etc.)
Essay: “A City Run by Children” by Rebecca Mead (New Yorker)