The Resolution Dissertation

December 10th, 2014

(I feel all Big Bang Theory with that title… Heh.)

I know, it’s a little early to be talking about New Year’s resolutions, but considering how FUBAR 2014 has been for me and my family, I can’t really help but want to look forward. Funny how the New Year doesn’t really change anything when you look at it logically — I mean, with the exception of a number — but it’s very much a psychological thing.

I keep telling myself to keep the list short, because having too many resolutions on a list feels like a recipe for failure, but I can’t help but think of things that I’d like to change or do differently. (And yeah, I know, I’m not the best at keeping the damn things, but hey — what’s the point of living if you don’t set goals for yourself??)

So here we go (in no particular order):

1. Do the Ray Bradbury Challenge (see a couple of posts ago [*edit: okay, the last post. I checked.]). (This one will definitely live up to its name, but I’m determined to try. I already have a huge anthology of poetry that should get me through many days.)
2. Move more. (In some form or another. Every day. Building up to my Power 90 DVDs.)
3. Create more. (I miss sewing. I really do. :( )
4. Read more. (The Bradbury Challenge will help this quite a bit, but there are also SO many novels I want to read… Ugh!)
5. Write more. (This also ties in with the Bradbury Challenge, but I’d like to add longer stuff, not just the short stories, too.)
6. Tame the chaos of the house. (One step at a time. One small task at a time. Clear out anything that it not useful or does not improve our lives in some way.)
6a. Part of the taming resolution — the start: choose one box a week from the storage room. Empty it and sort it into keep, sell, and donate piles, and follow through. (Small bites. SMALL steps! Doing it this way I could probably get that storage room reorganized by spring. And then from there, it’s the other rooms… Focus! :P )
7. Try some things pinned to Pinterest that I keep looking at, but not doing — at least one thing a month. I’m sure I can do 12… (Nothing that I’ve saved there looks that hard, really. It’s just a matter of being prepared and managing time to do it.)

So those are the things I’ve been thinking about. I’m tired of feeling like I’ve just been on a hamster wheel — trying, trying, trying… and not getting anywhere. The biggest challenge is time management, and particularly those days when my git-up-and-go has got-up-and-went when I have the energy of a slug. But 2015 *will* be different. That’s it. I’m tired of feeling like I’m not accomplishing anything. I would like to look back a year from now and take stock of everything that I’ve done. I can’t wait for that.

Feeling Inspired

November 12th, 2014

Amongst all of the NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) buzz currently going on out there at the moment, I stumbled on something I’d never heard of: the Ray Bradbury challenge.

In this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_W-r7ABrMYU#t=20 — sorry, I am too lazy at the moment to properly embed that link…) — An Evening With Ray Bradbury, 2001 — Mr. Bradbury challenges authors to two things in order to hone their craft and become more creative:

1. The best “mental hygiene” for authors is to practice writing short stories. Write one a week. As he says, out of 52 stories, they won’t all be bad. “At the end of a week you will have accomplished something!” And:
2. Expand your brain. For 1,000 nights, read a short story, a poem and a non-fiction essay (archeology, zoology, anthropology, philosophy, politics, literary criticism - anything!) before bed. “Stuff your head with more different things from different fields.”

You know, this has struck a real chord with me. These are both just such great ideas. I find myself compelled to attempt this, starting in 2015. (I know, critics out there will say, “Why then? Why not now?”, and to that I answer: because the New Year is going to be a new start. In my personal life, 2014 has sucked turquoise donkey balls, and frankly, I can’t wait for it to be over. 2015 can only be better. Right now is just a slog to get through the last few weeks. And that’s the honest truth.)

So this is what I will do. And I will document all of this here on the blog. I will post my short stories and list my reading material, and in doing so, I will be held accountable by you, my tiny group of readers. And if I happen to fail, you have my permission to throw rotten bananas at me. Only fair, right? So let’s see what happens. Right now, I’m totally game. We’ll see how I feel when we get through the first week of January…

Dream A Little Dream Of Me

November 7th, 2014

How is it that memories can have such a strong, visceral effect? They’re only thoughts, right? Insubstantial, intangible things.

So why is it, then, that to have certain ones flit through one’s brain makes it feel as though one might have been struck by a Mack truck?

I don’t know the answer. I wish I did, though.

Silence Is…

November 4th, 2014

…not golden.

No, sometimes silence is dark. Murky. Impenetrable. Full of question and confusion.

Silence is an absence of answers. Silence shuts you off, cuts you off from the rest of the world.

Silence is definitely not golden. Silence makes me want to say … something … anything … just to verify that I’m not losing my sanity.

And while I actually may generally prefer silence to nonsensical babble, that silence isn’t the same. No, that silence is safe and comfortable. This silence is the other sort.

I don’t like it.

Rule #1

November 2nd, 2014

Don’t text, call, or blog when you are overly tired and emotional. I don’t care what your reasoning is. Just… don’t.

*manages to take own hint and logs out of WordPress*

Blah, Blah, Blah

October 25th, 2014

I wish there was a place where a person could speak freely about how she *really* feels, without fear of condemnation or judgment.

Yeah, I know. Sure there is. It’s just around the corner from Narnia, down the street from Middle Earth and right next to Hogwart’s. :P

*sigh*

October 6th, 2014

Get up.
Shower.
Get dressed.
Eat.
Make sure offspring are safely ensconced in their respective hallowed halls of learning.
Work.
Putter with random shit.
Work some more.
Eat.
Work even more.
Fuck around with whatever else is in the house to do.
Play Candy Crush.
Get kids from school.
Referee sibling rivalry.
Make supper.
Eat.
Clean up supper.
Collapse on couch.
Vegetate.
Get ready for bed.
Crawl into bed and fight insomnia, pray for dreamless slumber.
And then get up when the cursed alarm rings and do it all over again…

Ad infinitum.

Hello…? Hello…? Hello…?

October 4th, 2014

Why is it that sometimes silence is louder than a room full of chattering people?

We Can Forget It For You Wholesale

September 23rd, 2014

I wish there was a way to unremember something, a way to wipe away a memory so that it never appears in one’s subconscious again.

A way to go back to being blissfully ignorant, believing that the way things are is absolutely fine.

Because you just don’t know any different.

It makes me think of the movie Total Recall (and I’m talking about the Arnold Schwarzenegger version here, thankyouverymuch) and going to someone to be able to remember something. But in this instance you’d be going to someone to have that memory completely erased. Gone forever. *poof*

Although, frankly, that sounds an awful lot like a frontal lobotomy… :/

Yeah, I Know, Right?

September 19th, 2014

Fuck.

Fucking fucker.

I’m so… I. Can’t. Even.

Nope.

*insert mass of frustration-laden, nonsensical gobbledygook here*